Tidal waves of mercy

Okay so, for those of you who don't know I hit my head pretty hard back in July and I got a concussion. About three days later I hit my head again and got a second concussion, and then the day after that I hit it again..resulting in, another concussion. I wasn't even doing anything dangerous, just all accidents. Running into things and not realizing that things were so close to me. Pretty lame actually haha, but my head started to hurt where I hit it.(Which all three times was directly in the back of my head.) I didn't say anything to anyone for a while, because I just figured that it was normal for it to hurt a little because I hit it so hard, but after about a month I told my mom that the pain had not gone away and that it had been getting a lot worse. So, we started trying lots of different pain killer medicines, but nothing even made a dent in the pain. Nothing was working AT ALL to take the pain away.

Through this time we were just asking people to pray for me that the pain would leave me, and I was being very cautious with everything that I did. It hurt pretty bad, just like it would if you hit your head really really hard.
My mom started looking up things that could be causing this head pain, and we went down the list trying to eliminate things that it could be, since we didn't have much money to go to the doctor.

My heart was in a place of selfishness, like that people should be feeling bad for me... it was sooo wrong of me to think like that! The thing is though that I didn't even realize that I was thinking like that. I wasn't even praying for it to go away because I liked getting some attention. I was being super lame and just all around dumb. not cool.

a couple weeks later, still in pain every single day with no breaks at all, I started getting really sick and throwing up from the pain. My mom took me to the doctors finally and I got tons of tests done, just trying to figure out what was going on. I was loosing a lot of weight and just not doing good at all. Every test was coming back completely normal!! Seemed like nothing was wrong at all besides the fact that I had a concussion, but the pain should have subsided by then. So they made me an appointment with a neurologist hoping that he would be able to help me.

By this time I had started praying a lot that this pain would go away, and that God would use it for something good in my life. I mean, a month and a half on nonstop pain was pretty brutal! When I got home from the doctors that day one of my awesome, lovely, friends, from my church surprised me and showed up to help take care of me. God was so merciful to put here there for me because a couple hours later, my parents came in and told me that my Aunt (Who I am very close with and who I love so much) is dieing from ALS. For those of you who don't know this is a disease that has no cure, and a disease that takes your life. I was pretty much a HUGE MESS after hearing that news. I am so thankful my friend was there to cry with me... God is so good. That same night I found out that one of my best friends was being hurt by something that I was doing...everything just was all going on and it was so much pain in one day, but...

God TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY humbled me through it. I just fell on my knees in tears asking Him to forgive me for being so selfish! I felt Him then more than ever before! His presence was INTENSE with LOVE AND MERCY! God rocks so much! I felt SO happy the next day! Still getting sick from pain, my aunt was still dieing, and I was still working things out with my friend, but I had so much peace! I could not get thoughts of God out of my head! What Jesus did on the cross just kept running through my mind over and over and over! I was in such awe of him!!! In such awe that He loved me first and that He treasures me and wants to spend time with me and that He STILL loves me when I am so awful!! I realized so much that I desperately NEED Him and I can do NOTHING without Him! Then I was in awe that He would even show me that and give me so much peace through all that I was going through! He is such an awesome God!

After that I was using every day of pain to try and glorify Him! I felt like I was going to die and I wanted to make every day count! haha..
I made these posters that said "God is LOVE" and "Jesus SAVES" and I went out on the street corner to hold them high above my head for all the passing cars to see!! That was totally ALL God in me to lift up His name like that.
We had the elders of my church come to my house and pray for the pain to go away. that was VERY encouraging! The pain did not go away though.

So now its about October, I had been going through all kinds of medicines for the pain and still, none of them were doing anything. The neurologist took me off sugar during the whole holiday season and told me to get some more exercise, but he was clueless to why the concussion pain was still hurting me so much.

I was growing SO much closer to God during this whole time! reading my bible more, praying, praising Him every second that I got, writing songs about how awesome He is! I was starting to feel SUPER blessed for this trial because it had brought me so much closer to Him! You have to go through the fire and pain to be more like Him and so much closer to Him! He is so faithful to open your eyes and show you that He is working all things together for your good and for His glory! I didn't even care if this unbearable pain lasted forever because of the sweet fellowship that I was having with God through it!

Every time someone asked me how I was, I didn't know if I should say good or bad, because I was in so much pain, but I was so happy resting in the Lord and trusting in Him! I found that saying "yeah my head still is killing me but, God is awesome.. everything is full of mercy!" worked the best, pretty much summed it up. My eyes were opened SO much to the MERCY in this whole situation! like seriously, I have NO reason to ever complain!!! It was so humbling to me that God would even show me that! I deserve horrible pain in hell forever but He saved me!!! so bring on this pain that will only last a little while!! It is so worth it so suffer for my savior!! I know that He is doing something amazing in my life through all this that is going to count for heaven and for His glory! I just have to keep trusting in Him through every day as I suffer this pain.

On Friday morning I was just a mess. the pain had gotten so much worse and I felt like I was going to be sick every other minute! I just couldn't stop crying! I was crying from pain and of the amazing feeling of KNOWING that God was with me through it. I just remember telling myself that God calls me to be strong, and that He has amazing plans for my life, and I am not to lean on my own understanding of what is going on but instead trust in HIM! I was just saying out loud over and over that He is AWESOME, and that I will still love Him no matter how hard this gets! I could totally FEEL that He was putting those words in my mouth! they were comforting me to the max! I just cried all day Friday and Saturday through the pain. happy tears and tears from being in pain. I couldn't eat anything or even move. it was miserable.
but God put so many amazing people in my life like my sisters and my mom staying with me every second, and friends who would text me and call me praying for me and asking how I was and letting me know that they are there for me! SO SWEET.

On Sunday I went to the worship service at my church even though I was not feeling good at all, and one of my dear friends came up to me during worship in tears and just held my hand! She got me crying too! We were just praising Jesus with EVERYTHING in us! I needed that so much to remind me why I am not killing myself because of this pain. Its because Jesus went through SO much more! Every minute of pain that He is giving me is NOTHING compared to the pain He suffered for my sin!!! It is only a glimpse of what He went through! Praise GOD for giving me this horrible pain to remind me every minute that JESUS ROCKS AND HE DIED FOR ME!!!! Our perfect amazing savior went through torture for me... and He holds my hand and carries me through every second of this awful pain! I am SO IN LOVE WITH HIM! what a GREAT and WONDERFUL God! On top of that, it is ALL HIS work in me that I can worship Him through this pain, and that I can see His love, and that I can raise my hands and never give up! so cool... I cant even explain it!

I went to the doctor yesterday, my best friend came with my to hold my hand. They gave me some shots and new medicines, so far I just feel super loopy! haha and very calm. which is good. I am getting lots of sleep, but my head is still hurting. Praise God that I have peace in Him though.
I would totally appreciate prayers from everyone that this pain would go away. Its been about nine months now with pain in every day.. but I am still smiling.. because it is full of tidal waves of mercy! I hope that this super long story can be an encouragement to you!!! God will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.. and he loves you so much.. the pain or trials that you may be going through are only going to mold you more into who you need to be to further His kingdom! Just keep trusting in Him and He will give you the strength to get through it!

God bless!
-Val

P.S. one of my awesome blog friends did a post on pain that really helped me out! here is the link!! http://footprintsinthesand365.blogspot.com/2010/03/when-we-suffer.html
Please check it out if you can! Thanks so much! <3