JUST PRAY.

When my aunt passed away in April from ALS… her son (my cousin) wrote a song for her… and for God. Today the lyrics are stuck in my head.

“You are not alone, all you have to do is…look to the sky. and when you don’t know what to do.. and you don’t know what to say… then just pray.”

JUST PRAY.

I am on my knees today for so many reasons… mostly thankfulness… but a lot of stuff going on in my heart. and I know I can pour it all out to Him and He will understand everything perfectly… more than I even understand it. I just keep saying to myself “ahh I just don’t know what to do!” and I can hear God through these words saying “just pray.” I know that He is going to be enough and He will lead me and take care of EVERYTHING. I am beyond blessed.

I am ALIVE

Especially lately I feel like I am just surviving… not being able to talk much, eat, walk, or even listen to music… but I know that in this pain, God is still here.. and on Him I can THRIVE. and LIVE my life to the fullest. I smiled so much today. I also almost threw up after trying to get some food in me, cried tears from PAIN when my shirt touched my head as I was putting it on, went to the doctor for the second time this week, took three different kinds of meds and nothing took the edge off the pain, AND I just sat there staring at the wall… for no other reason besides the fact that it was peaceful. and quiet. and I didnt have the strength or energy to do anything but that. but most importantly… I SMILED. a lot. because of God. because I know HE LOVES ME. and He has me. and that is enough. even in this… He is enough. so I will live to the fullest! even if the fullest is not being able to eat or walk or talk or listen to music or do anything and to be in constant PAIN with no answers! its full because of HIM. thank.You.God.

it's gonna be ok.

ok, I’m going to have some hot tea now and read mahh BIBLE.

some awesomeness from yesterdays devotion:

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to ME all who are weary and heavey laden, and I will give you rest. Take MY yoke upon you and learn from ME, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light.”

thank You, Jesus. <3

thisssss

Faithful.

I am so thankful that God is faithful even when I am not. I have been reading in Matthew and the verses just HIT me every day! I am amazed to tears at the awesomeness and compassion of Jesus. He is so wonderful! I am SO UNWORTHY and yet He still has saved me. He has SET ME FREE.
I am beyond thankful.

I want His life to shine through mine. I want people to see the hope I have in my savior... sometimes it feels so hopeless.. I can't even think, I just sit there...existing. I want to cry all day and to give up. and if it weren't for Jesus saving me, I totally would. I am SO DEAD without Him. I need Him so much. In Him I have hope... because He didn't have to save me, but He did. and He did it for a reason, for His glory to SHINE. I hope and pray to just CHANGE the way I am living and live for Him with EVERYTHING I am.

I really do love Jesus, but no where near enough. I want to love Him more! He is so worthy to be loved. I long to have compassion towards what He has done for me to the point of CHANGE in my life, for Him, every day! It's all His grace that I am even writing in this blog about Him. I'm so thankful. writing that just now my heart dropped because I just don't even want to imagine what I would be writing about without knowing Him. This world is so full of NOTHING. I don't like it here.. I want to go home.

I have really been pondering His faithfulness lately. totally wonder struck about it. yesterday I learned the true meaning of "scarred for life" haha.. I saw something I wish I never saw. Just out to lunch with my cousin, enjoying life, and then all the sudden we see the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. just YUCK. this world is so ddsjhalsuihljksd... goodness.. I got a glimpse of just a small something I have been saved from. and I know that without Jesus in me I would be doing the same thing, or maybe even worse. right then and there I broke down into tears. thank You God. I NEED YOU SO MUCH. those poor people.. this poor world... so lost.
I couldn't even sleep last night because I was so disturbed. I felt so sick and I was crying and praying.. and I decided to read my bible till I fell asleep.. and I came across Psalm 71. amazing amazing amazing..

" 1I have taken refuge in you, O Lord.
Never let me be put to shame.
2Rescue me and free me because of your righteousness.
Turn your ear toward me, and save me.
3Be a rock on which I may live,
a place where I may always go.
You gave the order to save me!
Indeed, you are my rock and my fortress.
---
19Your righteousness reaches to the heavens, O God.
You have done great things.
O God, who is like you?
20You have made me endure many terrible troubles.
You restore me to life again.
You bring me back from the depths of the earth.
21You comfort me and make me greater than ever.

22Because of your faithfulness, O my God,
even I will give thanks to you."

God is enough. He is so faithful. My God restores me to life again... this brought me so much comfort last night. and right now too... God is so good. I am free. I am saved. I am SAFE.

thank You, God. <333

My Father...

such a comort this week. thank you God.

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS.

seriously. don't worry... just pray. and pray and pray and pray.