JUST PRAY.

When my aunt passed away in April from ALS… her son (my cousin) wrote a song for her… and for God. Today the lyrics are stuck in my head.

“You are not alone, all you have to do is…look to the sky. and when you don’t know what to do.. and you don’t know what to say… then just pray.”

JUST PRAY.

I am on my knees today for so many reasons… mostly thankfulness… but a lot of stuff going on in my heart. and I know I can pour it all out to Him and He will understand everything perfectly… more than I even understand it. I just keep saying to myself “ahh I just don’t know what to do!” and I can hear God through these words saying “just pray.” I know that He is going to be enough and He will lead me and take care of EVERYTHING. I am beyond blessed.

I am ALIVE

Especially lately I feel like I am just surviving… not being able to talk much, eat, walk, or even listen to music… but I know that in this pain, God is still here.. and on Him I can THRIVE. and LIVE my life to the fullest. I smiled so much today. I also almost threw up after trying to get some food in me, cried tears from PAIN when my shirt touched my head as I was putting it on, went to the doctor for the second time this week, took three different kinds of meds and nothing took the edge off the pain, AND I just sat there staring at the wall… for no other reason besides the fact that it was peaceful. and quiet. and I didnt have the strength or energy to do anything but that. but most importantly… I SMILED. a lot. because of God. because I know HE LOVES ME. and He has me. and that is enough. even in this… He is enough. so I will live to the fullest! even if the fullest is not being able to eat or walk or talk or listen to music or do anything and to be in constant PAIN with no answers! its full because of HIM. thank.You.God.

it's gonna be ok.

ok, I’m going to have some hot tea now and read mahh BIBLE.

some awesomeness from yesterdays devotion:

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to ME all who are weary and heavey laden, and I will give you rest. Take MY yoke upon you and learn from ME, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light.”

thank You, Jesus. <3

thisssss

Faithful.

I am so thankful that God is faithful even when I am not. I have been reading in Matthew and the verses just HIT me every day! I am amazed to tears at the awesomeness and compassion of Jesus. He is so wonderful! I am SO UNWORTHY and yet He still has saved me. He has SET ME FREE.
I am beyond thankful.

I want His life to shine through mine. I want people to see the hope I have in my savior... sometimes it feels so hopeless.. I can't even think, I just sit there...existing. I want to cry all day and to give up. and if it weren't for Jesus saving me, I totally would. I am SO DEAD without Him. I need Him so much. In Him I have hope... because He didn't have to save me, but He did. and He did it for a reason, for His glory to SHINE. I hope and pray to just CHANGE the way I am living and live for Him with EVERYTHING I am.

I really do love Jesus, but no where near enough. I want to love Him more! He is so worthy to be loved. I long to have compassion towards what He has done for me to the point of CHANGE in my life, for Him, every day! It's all His grace that I am even writing in this blog about Him. I'm so thankful. writing that just now my heart dropped because I just don't even want to imagine what I would be writing about without knowing Him. This world is so full of NOTHING. I don't like it here.. I want to go home.

I have really been pondering His faithfulness lately. totally wonder struck about it. yesterday I learned the true meaning of "scarred for life" haha.. I saw something I wish I never saw. Just out to lunch with my cousin, enjoying life, and then all the sudden we see the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. just YUCK. this world is so ddsjhalsuihljksd... goodness.. I got a glimpse of just a small something I have been saved from. and I know that without Jesus in me I would be doing the same thing, or maybe even worse. right then and there I broke down into tears. thank You God. I NEED YOU SO MUCH. those poor people.. this poor world... so lost.
I couldn't even sleep last night because I was so disturbed. I felt so sick and I was crying and praying.. and I decided to read my bible till I fell asleep.. and I came across Psalm 71. amazing amazing amazing..

" 1I have taken refuge in you, O Lord.
Never let me be put to shame.
2Rescue me and free me because of your righteousness.
Turn your ear toward me, and save me.
3Be a rock on which I may live,
a place where I may always go.
You gave the order to save me!
Indeed, you are my rock and my fortress.
---
19Your righteousness reaches to the heavens, O God.
You have done great things.
O God, who is like you?
20You have made me endure many terrible troubles.
You restore me to life again.
You bring me back from the depths of the earth.
21You comfort me and make me greater than ever.

22Because of your faithfulness, O my God,
even I will give thanks to you."

God is enough. He is so faithful. My God restores me to life again... this brought me so much comfort last night. and right now too... God is so good. I am free. I am saved. I am SAFE.

thank You, God. <333

My Father...

such a comort this week. thank you God.

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS.

seriously. don't worry... just pray. and pray and pray and pray.

10,000 REASONS

God is gentle. He is HOPE. Joy. Love. Peace. Loveliness. BEAUTIFUL. He is everything. He is EVERYTHING. We have a national day to give thanks to Him.... but really we should be giving thanks every single second we are alive... and use maybe, MAYBE, one day to complain. He deserves so much more than I give Him.

Lord, I am speechless... I am so thankful for You and what You have done for me. It is a big deal to me!!!! YOU ARE LIFE. and I need You. I need You I need You I need You. THANK YOU. for who You are. Thank You for saving me. Thank You for setting me free. for opening my eyes. My heart feels like it is going to explode from thankfulness and my face is wet from tears. Lord, YOU ARE ENOUGH. I am so in love. I am so unworthy of your mercy.

Thank You, God. You are IT. You are beautiful. You are HOLY. You are thr LORD. I want to bless You FOREVER. <333

I have more than 10,000 reasons to love You, Lord. thank You.

You Saved My Soul by Bryan & Katie Torwalt

Philippians 4:4-13

I have been loving this passage lately. I can't stop reading it. I can't stop telling people all the awesomeness God has opened my eyes to through this! haha Just read it and let the awesomeness soak in!

"4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."


<3 thank You, God.

Phil Wickham - All I am

LOVE love love love love. This is my prayer. <333 so in love with Jesus.

Psalm 18:28

You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Hebrews 12:1

“…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”

Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band - Climb

You are more, You are more than my words will ever say!

God knows what He is doing. He knows. I trust Him with my life! I know he is holding me! I know He has a plan for me! I know He will work all things together for good! I know He never does anything to hurt me! I know that no trial is ever wasted! I know that He is enough! He is enough! Enough for me. Always. No matter what.

I am still suffering so much from my nerve damage pain. I am literally shaking today. I feel like I am going to throw up, or cry, or pass out. I am so done laying around though. It hasn't been helping. I have been praying so much and asking God what He wants me to do with myself while I go through this and what I can do to serve Him the most! I really feel like He is calling me to be strong in the strength of His might! Not to be strong because I am, but because HE is.

I feel like I have leaned this before in the past two years I have been going through this pain.. but my pain is at a whole new level now, and it really doesn't seem possible to be strong and get through every day smiling... but God is making it happen. He has put SO MUCH JOY in my heart! I can't eve explain how much I love Him!! I love Him so much!! Because of HIM I am choosing to get up and keep going. To press on. To surrender my life and let Him work through me. He is God and I am not! I know that He knows best.

I am so tired of feeling so awful all the time, and yet so stoked to see how God is going to use this to further His kingdom or maybe just draw my heart closer to His.

I can still say, after 27 months of non-stop pain, that our God is LOVE... and He is always good. So worthy of praise. SO worthy. I have no reason to be unhappy! He has saved me so that I can have hope(and I have SO much hope!)in Him!

I don't even have words to get my thoughts out right now. There is so much that I want to say. Jesus is everything to me. Absolutely everything! I just want to encourage whoever reads this, to always go to Him no matter what is going on in your life. Pour out your heart before Him because He is a refuge for you! He is the only one who will always be there for you. He is the only one who will always be enough and love you no matter what. My words can't even come close to covering how wonderful and worthy of praise He is.

I am so thankful, I am so joyful, I am so in love with Him. <333

Lord, please give me the strength to keep going. I can not do this alone. I need you every second. Your will be done!

Also, I dont even know where I would be without all the love and support of my friends and family and friends of friends and friends of family and EVERYONE! Everyone is so encouraging and so full of Gods love and it just blows me away that you all care so much. thank you thank you thank you!!!

If a soul has any beauty,

it is because Christ has endowed that soul with His own, for in ourselves we are deformed and defiled! There is no beauty in any of us but what our Lord has worked in us.
— Charles Spurgeon

So much comfort. So much love.

So this week my head pain from nerve damage has been super awful. I ended up needing to go to the doctors again just to see if they could do anything to help manage the pain more. It's been really hard and I have been discouraged and broken. Last night I was sharing prayer requests with my best friend, and all I wanted was to not be discouraged while I was going through this trial. So then today I randomly decided to go through messages, between me and a friend of mine, that were from August of last year. Something reminded me of how much we were encouraging each other in the conversation we had and I wanted to read it again! When I came across what I'm about to share with you I just burst into tears of thankfulness... God brought me so much comfort and so much encouragement through something that I WROTE to encourage SOMEONE ELSE. So cool. This is what I wrote:

".."He comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:4
That's how I look at my head pain too. I have asked SOOOO many times why God has given this to me... and then a little while later I will get a surprise visit or an email from someone saying that my trust in God through this trial is so encouraging to them. it amazes me beyond words! Sometimes we just aren't going to know why hard things happen... we really have to trust that God knows what He is doing... even when He is SO ABLE to just take it away.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
I believe that that "good" is becoming more like Christ Jesus!
God NEVER wastes a trial. ever."

How cool is God? I wrote this over a year ago thinking that I was only encouraging my friend... but God meant it to also encourage me TODAY... when I needed encouragement.

Thank You, God, for this today. Your light shines so bright in the darkness! I am so thankful for being able to know, and be comforted by, Your truth!

<3

Jessica McLean music video "Ocean Song"

days like these.

I am loving my life. So much. I am so stoked to look back when I'm older and remember everything that God did to draw my heart closer to His in these years of head pain. He has given me more than I could ever ask for. I am so thankful!

One of my best friends moved to Italy this week. I can still remember the day that I met him. his love for the Lord was BEAMING. I was having a bad day and he came up to me and decided to talk to me and tell me everything that he loved about his life. He didnt even know me... but he made me so stoked about life and so on fire for God. It was so cool that I thought he was an angel. I was convinced actually. hahaha we became the best of friends and he was there for me to laugh and praise Jesus in times of joy and to cry with me in times of pain. We had worship nights and we went surfing together and we ran around everywhere smiling and laughing. I am so blessed to know him. he is such a JOY. these past two weeks I have been such a mess just knowing that he was leaving. I was scared that I everything would change...

It seems like God brings special people into my life to catch me on fire for Him.. and push me so much towards Him.. and then they move away.. and although this is very hard for me, I know that God is just going to use them as lights somewhere else. I am so thankful that I have had so many wonderful people to change my life and make me love it so much more. Even though some of them are far away now, I will always remember them. I find myself wanting to be JUST like them.. and then I realize that it's the Love of GOD that I love IN them.. and really what I want is to be JUST LIKE JESUS. I am so thankful. so thankful.

God has been teaching me this week that any time I am feeling lost or upset, HE is my shelter and comfort. His love is everything. He satisfies in every situation. He is ALLPOWERFUL and in control. He is the center of everything. I am nothing without Him. I need Him! I need Him so much. I am falling into deeper love for Him every day because of the trials that come my way. He is so faithful to rescue and so good to know what I need and have a much bigger and better plan that anything I can imagine. thank You God.

I love the beach. I feel so close to God there. something about the sunrise and sunset... something about the ocean...something about being all salty and sandy. I am so thankful for my chill lifestyle. haha just following Jesus. and He has led me to teach surfing at the beach. HE IS AWESOME. I followed Jesus and He led me to the beach. haha I will always remember how cool that is. I am so happy to be able to serve Him there. I just know that no matter where He takes me, He is always the same, and He will always be LOVE.

Even though I am in massive pain every day, I am so beyond blessed to have days like these. thank You God. You are so cool. <3

switchfoot- The Shadow Proves The Sunshine

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me

This picture makes me so happy. <333

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.
— C.S. Lewis

Hillsong Live - Our God Is Love

I love this song. It makes me so joyful! <333 God, YOU are wonderful.

From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand. <3

Isaiah 58:11

"The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."

"don't tell God you have problems , tell your problems you have God."

I thought this was an inspiring quote! haha I think we should always tell God everything though. but God is BIGGER than our problems and He has overcome! trials don't stand a chance against the truth of THAT. thank You, Jesus. :)

Will Reagan & United Pursuit - "Set a Fire"

There's no place I'd rather be than here in your love.
Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain, that I can't control.
I want more of you, God.

Random verse AWESOMENESS.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:14

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35

Jesus, I want to be like You. <3

Fear God & no one else

God is awesome. SO good. all the time. all. the. time.

I have no idea what this post is going to be about. Just kinda like an update on me I guess! haha what I really want to say to all of you right now is... read your bible.
I have learned this week that when you don't do it and you put it off and it doesn't come first, then you will start to, more and more, lose your desire to read at all.

My desire for God has been there in my heart and in my life.. but I haven't been acting on that desire.. I would feel like I need to read my bible or pray and I just wouldn't. Confessing this now I am so fired up!!! I can see how satan has been getting to me and it makes me want to FIGHT so much harder.

I have been having this sick feeling in my stomach all the time.. like nerves.. and I would pray "Lord, I know You are with me. Please show me why I feel this way, show me what I need to give to you to make this stop." and I felt such a pull to read my bible. I was so hungry to just read! but I DIDN'T! I know right?? I'm so lame!!! well i read a little but my heart was not in it. just like "oh let me read this today...cause i need to. I think." so lame.

So this is when God showed me how His plan was to draw me closer to Him. (that is pretty much always His plan... but this is just when i see it in this story. hahaha)
I was talking to one of my friends about stuff going on in my life and i didn't like her reaction to what i was saying because she was correcting me. so I started to throw myself a pity party about how much i just fail and fail and mess things up and she did NOT put up with it. she told me i need to get over it. haha I LOVE THIS GIRL. she is AMAZING. I didn't even realize that my eyes were SO MUCH on myself, and they need to be on Jesus. she helped me direct my focus back to Him, and we started talking about How God always has a plan to pull us through anything and everything.. and He works in mysterious ways. It is always going to work out. even when we have no idea what is going on. I was crying all over the place. haha

then the next day I READ MY BIBLE. I read for hours. everything I could think of that I thought would give me a desire for God and reading His word. Psalm 119 was awesome. I would stop every verse pretty much and just pray that God would do a work in my heart. I want to love Him.

so that same night I went to a bible study. I had that sick feeling again. so the whole way there I poured out my heart to the Lord. told Him EVERYTHING i could think of. I told Him I can't do it alone. I need Him so much. and I prayed for a desire for Him. and IMMEDIATELY He changed my heart to JOY. just joy in Him. and thankfulness. The bible study was amazing and the Lord spoke directly to me. It was about How we need to place everything in Gods hands and let Him do the work because we can not do it alone. EXACTLY what I was praying about. so crazy. what breath of fresh air the Lord is. He is just beautiful, amazing, all around me, running through me, WONDERFULNESS.

I love my life so much. I a so blessed to be a dance teacher and a surf instructor and a daughter and a sister and a friend and a SMILE.

Lord, break me of everything that is not of YOU, and rebuild me in Your LOVE. please God. this is my prayer. THANK YOU for everything You are. and How you are working in my heart. I am so amazed. You are everything.

2 corinthians 4:16-17

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.


Thank You, Lord.

Hey now, this is my desire, consume me like a fire cause I just want something beautiful.

Everyone should read this post by one of my lovely friends. Such a bright light in the darkness. God can do ALL things. Even the things that we can't even imagine. and He is good. SO GOOD. always. I am so thankful for this girl! SO thankful to know her and to share our love for God and to be there for her and bear her burdens and share in her smile! God has blown me away through letting me be friends with her. She is a soul sister of mine! so cherished. and she will never be forgotten.
I am so encouraged by this post she wrote. Thank You, God, for Jessica. <3

far from perfect: not about what you do.:

Psalm 143:8

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life."

Chris Tomlin- I Lift My Hands

This is my love song of worship to my beautiful savior today!

Life life life.

It has really been a fight this week. and the worst part is... I know what I need to think about and do to get out of being a mess, but I'm too exhausted to do it.

LORD I NEED YOU.

satan knows how to get to me. skdfglaiushdfk I feel lonely. Seems like so many people don't give a care in the world. they just don't think sometimes, and they say things that really hurt. i just cried about it. I'm venting here to confess that these things shouldn't bother me at all.. but I'm weak.. and hurt easily.

LORD I NEED YOU.

Things in my life are so good. I'm SO BLESSED... so why am i crying right now???
I'm overwhelmed. I want so badly to run to Jesus into His arms and hug Him with all my might! HE is what i want right now! I know He is the LOVE my heart longs for. to be accepted and cared about.. but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be cared for by the one who I disobey and HURT every day of my life. and yet I am loved. and seen as perfect. because of Him.

LORD I NEED YOU.

I want you God. I want to SERVE YOU. I want to LOVE YOU with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. You are so good to me. I want to focus on YOU.

I am so thankful for God. This week I have seen Him as my shelter and peace in the war. somewhere i can go and completely forget about all the things that are tearing me apart. I can picture it in my mind like I'm in this crazy war and i find a cave and see Him in there and He HOLDS me as I shake, injured and worried and upset, until I am calm... and strong enough to go back out there and FIGHT for Him.

LORD I NEED YOU.

I really do not care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I am going to be myself and stand up for what I believe. no matter what happens. The only thing you can take to heaven with you is other believers. so I will LOVE on others, because I have been shown love from Christ.

HERE I AM.
LORD HELP ME TO LOVE.

My God

is mighty to SAVE.

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid.... You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle..." Psalm 56:3-4a, 56:8a.

Trust (song by Kristene Mueller)

i love this.

It's the sweetest thing
to trust you
just to know
You got everything under control

it's the sweetest thing
to trust you
just to know
You got everything

and You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken
well You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved

high up on a rock
looking out at the horizon
watching as the storm rolls in
wondering if my heart will survive it

as the waves crash all around me
and can't remember what it feels like to be FREE

i know You're making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken
oh You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved

You say, I've got you MY BABY.
I've got you
it's quite the mess you're in
but it's nothing Love can't fix

so sit here upon my shoulders
and watch as it all unwinds

You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken
i know You're making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved.

"Because God has made us for himself, our hearts are restless until they rest in him." - Saint Augustine

2 Timothy 4:8

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

Riding the Wave of Amazing Grace

"He's the only one who can make your life make sense, and not only make sense, but be absolutely filled with purpose"- Matt Beacham

Psalm 138

I love this.
verse 3 says "I called and You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul."
I am so captured by His grace.. <3

Matt Beacham

"I'm so unimpressed with who I know I am. In the end when I stand before God, I think He'll say, I was never impressed with you, Matt, but I love you. I chose to love you even before you were born. I'll realize then that He hung onto that commitment to love me no matter how flaky and stupid I was. He'll let me into eternal life with Him by His great mercy. It's been a good realization in a lot of ways how lame I am. Basically, I see changes in myself since giving my life to Christ, but I'm a work in progress. " - Matt Beacham

This guy is a pro surfer and a strong Christian. I love to listen to Him talk about God... it always captures my heart. <3

how sweet...

I was thinking a couple hours ago, how I can't wait to be married... and just have someone happily watch me as I sleep and love me enough to enjoy being with me even when I'm sleeping. haha random I know.. I guess I also can't wait to have someone stuck with me.. so even when they are annoyed and tired of me.. I will still have them...
Then I read in one of my Friends posts tonight about how God smiles and holds us when we are tired... and then it hit me how God watches me while I sleep and just loves to love me. and I always have Him.. no matter what.
WHAT MORE DO I NEED?

nothing.

He is enough.

My whole day today God has been showing me how He satisfies in every situation.. and then tonight He shows me how even in my little dreams of things, that I think will make me feel safe and loved, He has ALREADY come through. His presence is so tangible to me right now. I feel perfectly content with just having Him.

I also feel crazy sad for the way I break His heart and constantly choose other things above Him. have mercy on me and forgive me, Lord... I am so sorry... You alone are enough. You alone are worthy of praise.. don't let me give more time to things of this world than to You. I only want to serve You. I only want to give You praise...

I am so thankful. SO thankful... and so in love with Him.

Lord, I Need You - Chris Tomlin

Lord, You ALONE

are the LOVE we can't find anywhere else...

You are it, Lord Jesus... You are IT.

So todayyyyyy

I was reading "A voice in the wind" by Francine Rivers.
I don't know if any of you have read it, but its a really cool book. It's basically about this Christian girl who gets taken out of her home and sold as a slave, yet she is still steadfast in her faith. It's a really encouraging book to read because through everything she goes through she praises the Lord and turns to Him for help and comfort.

Anywayss.. I was talking to one of my friends last night about how rediculous it is to feel lonely, yet we still feel lonely. Goodness...we are so blessed. so blessed. We have believers all around us and we have GOD with us always. God should be enough for us.. because He IS enough.

We were talking about how Jesus went through life rejected and unloved. Even when he was about to die and He went to pray to God.. his friends fell asleep on Him! I would be so hurt by that! but Jesus still loved.. we have no reason to feel alone and unloved.. Its crazy to think that the KING of the universe went through everything we have gone through and will ever go through just to show us He loves us and that He knows how we feel! Let His Glory SHINE. I just want to fall on my face in awe of His goodness and beautiful Majesty!

so when I was reading this book about this girl whos family died and she is now a slave and serving OTHERS and serving HIM with a content heart.. it blew me away. I am so blessed, and yet I slip into discontentment. What a mess I am.. soften my heart, Lord. My life is Yours. I know You alone will be enough for me no matter what I go through. You are all I need. help me to live that way.. I want to serve. My hands are open..

The stand ~ Hillsong United

This is not about what you feel

but what HE felt to forgive you. and what HE felt to make you loved. <3

I'm not sure that my heart could hurt more right now..

I don't know what to think.. I don't know what to do.. but I will not lean on my own understanding.. and I will follow Jesus.
There is this song and it goes.. " the chasm is far too wide, I never thought I'd reach the other side, but Your love never fails! You make all things work together for my good."

when I heard this last night I just started crying.. because God knows what He is doing with my life.. I am so lame! I know NOTHING. haha He's got me.. what more do I need? Even when things seem impossible and hopeless, still God's love will never fail. and He will always be GOOD and glorified.

"though none go with me, still I will follow.. no turning back.. no turning back.."

Kristian Stanfill - Always

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief...

GOD

is the reason why...

even in pain, I smile;

in confusion, I understand;

in betrayal, I trust;

and in fear, I continue to fight.

Hello hurricane

you can't silence my love...

my best friend took this picture. <3
I'm not totally sure why... but this picture comforts me so much.

P.S. i love my best friend.

Last day of school. wow..

I can't even really believe I'm graduating. I still feel so young. haha
It has been awesome though. I absolutely loved being home schooled! I am so thankful for everyone I got to meet and everything I got to experience! God is awesome. He got me through it.

I'M SO STOKED TO BE DONE! haha

2 Corinthians 5:17

This is so how I feel right now.

This week I was so lost and hurt and just trying to fight.. but then I God broke me.. and I let go.. and I got my bible and started reading about Jesus and everything He said and did.. I wanted to know what HE wanted. God was SO faithful to show me exactly what I needed to hear! He showed me that it is all about following Jesus. I'm supposed to just dump the world and follow Him. I've been holding on to this world so tightly! I've been CRAZY. oh my goodness.. I'm so sorry, Lord..
I have a whole new passion now. I trust Him.. I trust Him so much with my life!

There is this verse that I can't stop thinking about! It says "Lift up your eyes on high And see who has created these stars, The One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, Not one of them is missing." Isaiah 40:26
I am so awed by this verse. So humbled. sheesh... so humbled. I love it! God is so comforting. I have no reason not to trust Him. He says "For I know the plans I have for you; plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future."Jeremiah 29:11
I want to follow Him!! I want to be just like Jesus! He is the sweetest thing ever! I want to SERVE God with my life. He is so holy and worthy of praise!!

Following Jesus has a whole new meaning to me now. It's not about me at all. It's about Him. It's about bringing God praise and glory. Letting go of what I want or what I think and holding on to Him and what He wants and what He thinks. That is the only thing that matters. His love is CHANGING me.

The more I learn about Jesus and put my trust in Him, the more I feel like a completely different person. I don't even want what I wanted before! At all! I just want to serve Him! No matter what that means I have to give up. The old is GONE.. and the new has come. What an amazing thing. Thank You Lord Jesus! You are so wonderful!

I want to Love others with the Love He has shown me, so that they might look to Him and know of His awesomeness. That is all. I just want to serve.

Blessed be my Rock and let the God of my salvation be exalted. Psalm 18:46

Hebrews 10:23

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise"

Break me, Lord

Just break me and rebuild me the way You want me. I want to die to all of my desires, and be reborn to all of Yours.

Psalm 143:9

Psalm 46:1-3,10

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging...

10“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

BarlowGirl - Beautiful Ending

This is so my heart today..

Peace

This... This is what I feel inside my heart when I close my eyes.
I will praise Him in this storm... because HE is my refuge.. and my strength.

"Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You"

-Tear down the walls, Hillsong United

Hillsong United - You Hold Me Now (Lyrics)

The truth in this song.. is getting me through this day. Thank You Lord. <3 love You.

okkkk.

I am so happy.

for no other reason than.. God is my joy. He is.. everything.
life is hard, but He is the lifter of my head. I can fully surrender and throw myself into FULL dependance on Him knowing that He will never let me down.

so now when things come into my life that are hard, and heart-breaking, and confusing, i am still ok. I can look to my Father and best friend and savior.. and know that it is going to be ok!! haha I feel like "ohhhhhh i get it nowwwwww.. like with how idolizing things makes a wall between me and God.. but when i let go of this worlddd.. I have only Him.. and He is always enough.." but then i know that He is SO MUCH MORE even then that awesomeness.. that I will always have more to learn about Him.. and that His wonders will never cease. and that gives me passion. passion to BRING PRAISE. To shout the good news from the roof tops! I just want to testify of His amazing Love.. because it is truley amazing. i am so.. amazed. <3

so.. im ok. :)

Lock it up... . ..NOT!

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
--C.S. Lewis

This quote reminds me how important it is to pick a side. To be hot or cold. When we cease to worship when life gets hard, satan will pull and pull and pull and PULL on us to lock up our hearts so that we do not get hurt again. he wants us to use this world to distract and entertain us, he wants us to think of only ourselves. But this... this will turn our hearts to stone. unresponsive to Gods voice, to His love.. we simply won't trust Him.. we won't love Him, When He is the only one worthy of love.. do not be conformed to this world..it will harden your heart. pick a side. this is war.


Lord, take my heart.. don't let me lock it up away from you. No matter how hard this life gets, no matter how painful the heart break, let me always come to You alone. To be restored, to be awakened from death, because You are the only one who cares enough to redeem and fix my broken heart...to bring me to life again... and all because of Your grace. Nothing can compare, Lord.. take all of my love... my whole heart...

Have Your Way - Britt Nicole Cover

i love this. <3

Solid Rock

Without God, I am nothing. Lord, without You I am nothing.. without You I am nothing.. without You..

I've been so confused lately... trying to make sense of life, because life has been very hard. Watching close Friends fall apart and become seemingly unencourageable, pain in my head that wont relent.. even for just one moment, my aunt passing away from a disease that had no cure, ..trying to be strong.. but being strong seems impossible, but i know that's not true. (see post entitled "strong" lol)

It just looks so hopeless.

last week, before my aunt past away, I was telling my friend that I didn't understand what God was doing in my life and in the lives of others.. Everything was getting worse when i was praying for relief. I could not make sense of it all.. I prayed to God and I was so upset! I said "where are You, God???? where have you gone when I need You so badly!??" Then He immediately showed me that HE IS NOT ABSENT IN MY TRIALS. He is HERE with me! and EVERYTHING that is happening is for His GLORY and for my GOOD. and I had a huge apology to give to Him for my unbelief.. for my doubt in His power and goodness. he is always good. no matter how it looks to me..I can not possibly know every detail of His plans! I don't need to know.. i just need to know who He is and trust that He will never change.

ok ok, so, thennnn, I went on a trip. i got on a plane last minute and went to Kentucky to visit my dear friends and I prayed that God would work through that visit and that I would be able to encourage them while they go through some hard times.

It was an AWESOME trip. I could not even take in how awesome it was. It was like I was in a dream, and it wasn't even real. I kept asking God almost every moment to show me what He was doing.. and to help me take it in. I just wanted whatever He wanted! I just wanted to serve Him. I also got to talk to like 5 people at the airport and on the plane rides about my nerve damage and about how good God is! One girl was so interested in it that we talked the WHOLE five hour plane ride about God and she wanted to know EXACTLY what Christians believe. it was like God was giving me a pop quiz! I got to tell her all about Jesus and about Gods love! She totally was led to Jesus.. He took over her heart and we prayed.. and it was so amazing.. so surreal. IT ENCOURAGED ME SO MUCH. one less dieing soul.. and without my pain.. i have no clue how we would have started up a conversation about God.
Thank You Lord.. thank You. You are worthy of Praise. it is Your face I seek!!! It is YOUR face I seek.

Right when i got off my plane back in Orange County, my mom told me that my aunt had passed away. there was no time to think. I was still amped out of my mind about my trip and my new sister in Christ that this news was not hitting me. It felt like I was still in the dream... that this was all just not real.

I stopped by my youth group and sang worship with them before going home. and my eyes could not help but well up with tears. all I could think about was how AWESOME it was that I know all these amazing people and i get to have them in my life. They sing so loud and they seek to give God glory! they WANT Him.. and when they don't they are seeking PRAYER and encouragement. it blows me away. I am so blessed beyond words.

I got home to be with my sisters and I felt like i needed to be strong for them.. they were so torn. So I pushed away grief and I chose to be joyful. That only lasted till everyone went to sleep...then it finally hit me.. it hit me that all this is so overwhelming. I let go, I stopped trusting, and I started to sink. I didn't even know how to reach out for Jesus' hand to pull me up! darkness fell over me and I truly could not see a thing at all. I was so confused! why was all this happening?? it felt so random!! I started crying and i felt like i was drowning in tears. My beautiful best friend called me at this time (which was PERFECT timing) and she just listened to me while I poured out feelings that didn't make sense. she stayed on the phone with me till i stopped crying.. and i felt better. I stopped sinking.. but i was still in deep waters.

I then tried to go to sleep.. but i noticed that my older sister was a mess.. and i asked her if she was ok.. and we both started crying again. we were not ok. and I just kept saying out loud "God please, make sense of this.. bring someone that will encourage me! show me how to be in You right now.. show me how to stand on You as my solid rock.. because i have no clue how to.." and then i was saying to my sister. God has a plan. plans to give us a future and a hope.. and she was saying "val its ok to not have it together.. its ok to not be happy right now" and i said "I don't want to be happy.. i just want to comforted." then we called our dear friend in the middle of the night and she just kept saying that our aunt is with HIM..out of pain and into beautiful glory.

and it finally hit me at that moment. God took satan completely out of my head and he PULLED ME UP from sinking in the water! He SHOWED me that her death is not meant to bring me despair.. it is meant to show me Gods love. and to bring me HOPE. Flash backs of the girl i met on the plane ran through my head.. thoughts of how that is NOT RANDOM and it is perfectly placed at that time so that I can see SO much MORE how AWESOME God is! That He is a God who SAVES. He is faithful always to do these things for my GOOD. Forgive me for doubting, God! You are always WORTHY to be trusted!

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8
I read this verse this morning and i realized that God has to come first in my life in order for my faith to be unshakable in Him. He has to be number one, NOT me. Loving Him has to come first, NOT answers to my problems.

God is a solid rock. a never changing, never leaving, never ending, ROCK and a fortress for His people! THERE IS HOPE. there is EVERLASTING life. He will never fail. never.

The way He chooses to care for me so much, completely blows me away. I will rest in His love.

I can't believe i get to live in this beautiful place. <3 So.Cali

SOUL surfer

If you have not seen this movie, then you should go see it. right now. haha I Loved it. So inspiring.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

on my heart.

I desperately need Jesus...
so much. all the time. every day of my life. I am nothing without Him. I fail to serve Him day after day!!! Yet He still loves me. He knows all my wrong thoughts and everything about me, yet he still loves me. Jesus is BEAUTIFUL to me. Absolutely beautiful. I can only see this because of His grace on my life. He is the one who opens my eyes. He is the one who gives me strength, and satisfaction, and wisdom!

Ive been messing UP my life here. Seriously. relationship after relationship I cant seem to selflessly love others.. and God is teaching me so much how to SERVE with LOVE. its all about love and serving others. When you serve others out of love, you are serving God.

I just want to challenge you guys to stop, before you act, and put yourself in the other persons shoes. Think of how you would treat others if they were Jesus.
hug your sister, do the dishes for your mom with a smile on your face, find out who needs some help today, spend your day pouring love out on someone you have a hard time with, write a letter of encouragement to a friend.. ect ect ect.

God really does call us to be a servant of all, for Him. So why do I spend the day thinking about myself? there is no way to justify the action of being selfish. Not because of chronic pain, not because of too much school, not because your hungry, or in a rush, or hurt feelings.. stop and think guys. how is God calling you to love others today, and every day??? don't miss out on what He has for you.. cause seriously, what He has for you is the absolute BEST.

L-O-V-E... everyone, through everything. seek ways to serve others. and READ about and meditate on Gods AMAZING love for you... and PRAY. God will change your heart through this.. and you life. <3

I Am Second Jason Castro -

This makes me smile so much. <3

Deuteronomy 31:8

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

There is so much in this verse. I want to explode from thankfulness. The Lord knew this is what I needed today. His grace amazes me! <3

Strong

So I've been learning about Gods promises lately. How they are true.. and how God keeps them. always. I understand this and I believe it more than ever before.

I look back on my life and all the things that I have gone through in my life, all the things that God has brought me through. There were times when I was scared and I prayed for comfort and I got it! There were times when I was afraid of pain and prayed for help and God had me fall asleep or pass out. I was always in His hands.. just as He says "I will never leave you or forsake you." He kept this promise. time after time after time, and He always will keep His promises. I look back and see that everything that I thought I could never get through, I got through, because of Him! Because He knows the plans He has for me, because all things work together for good for those who love Him, because He cares. I realized how FAITHFUL God is when I just sat at the beach and thought about this. If He brings you to it He will bring you through it. That is some hard core truth right there. I never have a reason to doubt His faithfulness and His amazing plan for me. No matter how hard it gets. One verse that I have been stuck on this week is

Philippians 4:13 " I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

One thing that people tell me all the time to encourage me is "you are so strong. to go through this intense pain every day and still smile.. you are just so strong." and I always think "well I don't feel strong! you shoulda seen me last night! I was crying and cryinggggg and then I was too tired to even pray anymore.. I'm so weak. " but then I realized that I am not weak.. I am dependant.. I am dependant on God to be my strength.. and the strength that people see in me is NOT MY OWN, It is the strength of Jesus! It is ok that I am weak! It's actually a beautiful thing because I know that I need Him to be my strength! and He will be!!! He says I can do all things through Him.. and that He is the one who is going to be the strength for me.

So, I've been applying this to my life. Usually, when my pain would get super intense, I would go into "out of it" mode. "I can't possibly talk to anyone right now, I can't possibly readdddd my bible, or do my school, or make dinner, or clean my room, or go to that party, or encourage someone, or be nice to my sister.... its just too much pain... I can hardly even breathe.." But now that I UNDERSTAND that this is actually true, that I can NOT POSSIBLY do these things without God, I haven't gotten depressed and figured that I failed and that there is no hope. NO! by the grace of God, no. instead I've been asking for Him to come and give me strength, because I can not do it alone. IT IS POSSIBLE to do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING with Him. That is a promise. doesn't matter how hard it is. it is still possible. I trust God in this. This is how He doesn't give us anything we can't handle.. its the fact that we need Him to handle it for us.. and when He is does (and OH HE WILL!!!) we see His love more and more! Then we love Him more and more! And then its going to get harder and more intense trials and we will know that all we have to do is ask.. and he will give us the strength and courage and peace to get through it. guys.... the more you surrender to Him.. the easier it gets.

"Hope does not disappoint, because the Love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit that has been given to us." Romans 5:5

Hope. This is what I have. I trust in God. That He is good, and He is loving, and He knows what He is doing!
Thy will be done, Father... I know Your grace is sufficient for me.

Awesome thought.

"If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependant lives." --Francis Chan. From the book "Crazy Love"

Photo by Phoebe Taylor.

My help comes from the Lord.

LOVE

I could go on about this forever, but right now, I am just so blown away by the love of God. He loves us so much guys. Do you understand this?? Are you comprehending it?? GOD LOVES YOU. You are His child. His love for you is infinite and unbreakable no matter HOW you fall! No matter how much we disobey and hurt Him His love for us is still the same because Jesus took our shame and our punishment. WHAT LOVE!!!! Oh my goodness I'm forever amazed! It is the love of God that changes us! It is because the Love of God that we are never the same! That we can love others and that we can love Him and that we can see blessings and that we can feel Him constantly with us! You want to feel the love of God?? You want to see how much He loves you. DIG INTO YOUR BIBLE. Read it. constantly seek to learn about God. He says "Beloved, let us love one another. for love is from Me and everyone who loves is born of Me and KNOWS Me" 1John 4:7-8 You want to know this amazing love?? Then just pick up your bible and learn about God. Get to know Him. because when you know Him you will love. and others will know you are HIS because of your love. I can't even get this thought out. haha I'm just so in love right now.. with my savior. I want you guys to know how special you are to Him. How much He loves you. please seek to know Him more! I'm praying that we will all seek to know Him more. and that we would see His beautiful Love.

Danyew - Streetlight

Good friends share good times,
but great friends divide pain. <3

Love this girl. She just beams with the amazing love of God and reminds me that ALL things are possible through Jesus. Thank You God for Bethany Hamilton.

Mark 8:36
"for what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"

Your Love Is Everything by Chris Quilala (Jesus Culture)

He cares.

Do you ever feel like you're the only person in the world who feels the way you do? Are you ever scared to tell someone your feelings, for fear of what they might think of you after? Do you try writing your feelings down on paper, but still don't feel satisfied? Well, I have come to realize that the only one who will listen and understand you is God. No matter how much you believe having an amazing friend here to tell all your problems to is awesome, the only one who truly cares about you is the one who created you.

I just had to get that out...

I have no idea why I get so upset all the time about things that don't even matter. I get so heart sick over everything. Then I feel overwhelmed and then I feel like I dont have anyone who actually wants to sit and listen to my temporary drama even though I really just need someone to dump it on. the feeling of having someone truly care sometimes is just such a comfort.

God cares.

He really does. He is my creator. He loves me so much more that I can picture love in my mind. He cares so much more than I could ever feel care for someone I love... and yet I look for more. Am I insane?!? I feel just so.. stupid... for ever looking anywhere else for comfort. I have been trying to fight the feelings of sadness and being overwhelmed and not feeling cared about for like a week now. Then every time I wanted desperately to talk to someone and there was no one who wanted to talk, those feelings just got so much stronger. So today I was like "Oh my goodness! snap out of this, Valerie! there is NO REASON to be so upset about everything." and I tried and I tried and I trieddddddddd to find something that would help my heart get in the right place. I prayed and cried out to God.. asking Him to move in my heart and get me out of this dry place of selfishness. Then I saw the verse "Cast every worry on Him, because He cares for you." God made it clear.

Even though I already know He cares, I wasnt acting like it.. I wasn't believeing that He is better than being able to talk to someone else. I feel like I learn this same thing all the time. I feel like a crazy person. I feel ashamed. I feel confused. I feel upset. I'm in pain. I want to keep crying. Im tried. Im passionate. I want to live for Him. I want to just be where He is!!!! .... and you know what?? HE CARES.
It doesnt matter who else cares. because He cares.

I am SURE... actually.. that I am not the only one who feels this way. So I will seek broken girls who need someone to just listen and cry with them!! and I will listen! and I will cry. Because we aren't alone in this fight. I don't want anyone to ever feel that way. God has so much compassion on us...

I pray right now Father, that you would work in me and ALL of my dear sisters who read this!! Lord give us Your heart of campassion for those around us who are suffering. Give us Your ears to listen and Your words and arms to comfort. Help us to live for You and not for ourselves! Help us to care for others in the way that You care for us, and let us always be comforted by Your sweet LOVE in every situation, big or small, knowing that every detail matters to you. In Jesus name, amen.

Hungry??

At my college group bible study, our teacher gave us these pictures of what the bible is for us and it made me sooo starvinggggggg to read the bible!!! So, I just need to share them with you in case you weren't hungry today... we need to eat guys. haha

1. SWORD -- Heb 4:12 "For the word of God is living and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even into the dividing apart of the soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
Okay can I say WOW!! wow, wow, wow! Okay guys, Gods word is truth right!!!??? YES! So this scripture that is so loaded with beautiful pictures of how Gods word can work on us is TRUTH and all we need to do is READ it. Our teacher was talking about how we can picture this kinda like a surgery, and how God is using that sword to do a surgery on our hearts. Each and every cut is to SAVE our lives and make us whole and new again. so so so awesome.

2. WATER-- Eph 5:26 "He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word."
God's word is WATER to our souls! Can you imagine if you didn't drink water for like three weeks?? (I know I have gone even longer than that without reading my bible..) You would be BEYOND thirsty! haha Then you get a huge gulp of water and then you're thinking "why on earth didn't I drink water before!?" You can literally feel it FILL up you're insides and nourish you're body! SAME THING GOES for you're soul. When we don't read the word our soul starts to dry out and become weak like that little shriveled up thing on the little mermaid!! BUT WORSE because at least that thing could see.. and probably think.. our souls just become MUSH without the word. DRINK IT UP guys. drink it up. GIVE you're soul revival through the word. Give you're walk with the Lord LIFE and strength!

3. FIRE-- Jer 23:29 " Is not my word like a fire? says Jehovah;.."
This find of fire is one that is going to burn us from the INSIDE, OUT. It is going to purify us. yeah it might hurt.. we will totally see a LOT of ugly coming out of us.. but it is going to stay out because this fire will not let that stuff in. It might hurt.. but it is going to be so worth it. We will be closer to God through this new holiness that the TRUTH will bring to us! GOD IS SO GOOD!

4. HAMMER-- Jer 23:29 "...and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?"
A hammer... how cool! think of this as another remodel. say you are redoing the bathroom.. and you need he bathtub out.. you take a huge sledge hammer and BASH the bathtub in pieces so that you can put a new and more beautiful one there!! God is going to do this through His word. He is going to take the rock that we call out heart and He is going to BREAK it in pieces! and then give us a new heart.. the old has gone and the new has come.. but HOW will we know this if we don't read our bibles?? how would we begin to even capture the awesomeness of it all???

It's not just a book guys...
take the time to read it.. and to get to know YOUR SAVIOR and CREATOR and KING.

The Prodigal-- by Sovereign grace music

You held out Your arms, I walked away
Insolent, I spurned Your face
Squandering the gifts You gave to me
Holding close forbidden things
Destitute, a rebel still, a fool in all my pride
The world I once enjoyed is death to me
No joy, no hope, no life

Where now are the friends that I had bought
Gone with every penny lost
What hope could there be for such as I
Sold out to a world of lies
Oh to see Your face again, it seems so distant now
Could it be that You would take me back
A servant in Your house

You held out Your arms, I see them still
You never left, You never will
Running to embrace me, now I know
Your cords of love will always hold
Mercy’s robe, a ring of grace
Such favor undeserved
You sing over me and celebrate
The rebel now Your child

"No pit is so deep that God's love is not deeper still."
— Corrie ten Boom

All things are possible.

Mark 3:1-5
1 He entered again into a synagogue; and a man was there whose hand was withered. 2 They were watching Him to see if He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. 3 He said to the man with the withered hand, “Get up and come forward!” 4 And He said to them, “Is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the Sabbath, to save a life or to kill?” But they kept silent. 5 After looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

At my church bible study tonight, our leader started talking about this passage.. and he was saying how when God asks us to do something.. He is going to give us the strength and ability to do it when we obey Him. This man with the withered hand might have been thinking "what? are you crazy? my hand has been this way my whole life and you tell me to just stretch it out like no one's business???? don't you think I have been TRYINGGG to stretch it out???" but no, that man didn't say that. He simply just obeyed Jesus and trusted that Jesus would see him through even though this task must have seemed impossible. and Jesus DID see Him through. That man's hand was restored!

This makes me think of another thing too... Jesus totally used that man's withered hand to bring Himself amazing glory! That man might have been wondering whyyyy he had a withered hand and none of his friends were going through anything like that.. he might have been sad about it.. it might have caused him pain.. it might have caused him sorrow.. or he might have trusted that our God is an awesome God and have him that tribulation for a purpose! I have no idea what that man was going through!! BUT I do know that THIS STORY is the reason for his poor withered hand.. God worked everything together so perfectly... I'm kind of just rambling and not making sense but this is the first time I have thought this part of it through.. it's so awesome though!

I want to just write forever right now about how awesome God is.. and so many things that He has put on my heart right now to say.. but for now I will just leave you with this. If you feel like God has called you to do something that you feel like you can't do, just remember that He will ALWAYS give you the strength you need to do it. Keep reading your bible and keep obeying Him!

20 seconds..

I'm falling apart.. I'm not alright! chaos has taken me over.. this pain is too much.. its just too much..

I tilt back my head to the sky.. and close my eyes.. 1...2..3..4..5. and everything fades out.. all I can feel is my heart beat.. making my body sway..

its this beat that brings me pain.. and before a second it starts over again..6..7.. I breathe in.. and let it all out.. I shake..

"do not cry.. do not start crying.." is all I can think to tell myself..8..9.. I want to scream.. but I don't make a sound.. I lift up my hands..

because its all I can do.. its all I can give.. I know its all I need.. 10..11..12..
I know I'm not going to gather strength from anywhere else.. this is enough..

I start to calm down.. a chill runs through my being.. 13..14.. a tear escapes.. but only one.. because He tells me to be strong.. I wipe it away..

I am now overwhelmed by the love that I feel.. and the assurance that everything is going to be okay.. 15..16..17.. I can make it through this.. because He has a purpose.. He never wastes a heart ache..

I smile.. let out a quiet laugh.. I feel insane because this peace doesn't make sense..18..19.. its because of His goodness that I am living through this pain.. I lower my head and hands.. then open my eyes.. I will be alright..

..20.. .. .... because of His love.. I will be alright.

absolutely beautiful!

"So turn around you're not too far to back away, be who you are, to change your path, go another way, its not too late you can be saved.
If you feel depressed with past regrets, the shameful nights, hope to forgets, they can disappear, they can all be washed away.
by the one who's strong, can right your wrongs, can rid your fears, dry all your tears, and change the way you look at this big world!
He will take your dark distorted view and with His light He will show you truth and again You'll see through the eyes of a little girl that there could never be a more beautiful you."

I don't deserve this kindness!!!

He has brought me to His banqueting table... and His Banner.. over me.. is LOVE. pure love.. what a beautiful God.. THIS IS AMAZING LOVE.. this is amazing GRACE. its nothing of myself.. its ALL His love.

I can feel it God!!! I'm spoiled in your love! I don't feel the same!! I will never feel the same again!!! because Your love CHANGES ME! It changes me from the INSIDE OUT! I cant get enough Lord Jesus! let me never FORGET your goodness!!! Let me never forget YOUR faithfulness. shine Your light! keep shining your light!!! I'm so in love with You! You are ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!!