Jesus is enough!

This week I memorized 1 Peter 1:6-7

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little wile, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, will be able to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ!"


I have learned so much by meditating on this. God has really made me REJOICE in trials though this verse. He's like "Be thankful, dear one, that I'm putting your faith through fire, so that it will result in praise and glory and honor, instead of putting YOU into fire for eternity."
haha.. I just SEE how much I need Him in these trials. not even just how much I need Him to get me through it but I need Him because I CAN'T do anything good of my own.. and through these trials I see my need for Him and it strengthens my faith and so I REJOICE in Him, and in Him alone.

Its been really hard lately going through this pain. Last week I got sick and every morning when I woke up my pain was so intense that I couldn't even breathe. I remember the first morning that it had happen and I was hurting so much that I didn't even know what to do! I knew I needed help though so I was trying to get to my moms room (which is the door directly across the hall from mine) and it took me ten minutes because I couldn't walk.. I had to stop when I got to my bedroom door and fall on the floor and just pray "please, God, just get me to her room." then again in the middle of the hall "Please, God, just get me to her room!" then He GOT ME THERE!!! and my mom pulled me into her bed and got a cold washcloth to put on my head and some heavy pain meds and I was just crying my eyes out hurting so much and couldn't even breathe and my mom and dad were just praying for me until my meds kicked in and I could just sleep all day.

It was the scariest thing of my life...
...until the next day, when I woke up and I instantly had horrible pain and couldn't breathe and I grabbed the meds my mom had put on my dresser and took ALL OF THEM. I wasn't even thinking, so I didn't realize that I accidentally overdosed, until I was telling my sister to get my mom and tell her that I took "this, this, and this" and my heart dropped to the floor as I realized that I wasn't supposed to do that!! The meds kicked in and the wholeeeee day I could not get out of bed because of how drugged I was. I couldn't even move a limb of my body!! my mom and sister just kept giving me water to drink to wash it out of my system.

THAT was the scariest thing of my life...
...until the NEXT day, when I woke at 4am to a nightmare and then realized that the pain I was feeling in my nightmare was REAL and I immediately got out of my bed to get help before it got any worse!!! The pain was the most intense of my life and I couldn't breathe at all. I had got to where my sister was and she was giving me my meds and I was thinking "keep calm..just keep calm and don't cry..God is with you and He is FOR you!!! He will Get you though this!!! God please get me through this... please, God, get me through this.. get me through this." My sister got a cold rag for my head and I was laying face down and just burst into tears of pain "please, God, be with me, get me through this or take my life!!! please, get me through this... make it stop... help me, please." I felt sick to my stomach and I was just screaming into the pillow in SO MUCH PAIN. I asked my sister for something to bite down on because it was so intense and she just took my hand and told me to squeeze it, then she prayed for me through tears of compassion. my mom was with us too and she was also praying. and GOD GOT ME THROUGH IT!!!!! The meds kicked in and I could breathe!! I could just sleep all dayy. God is so awesome. throughout the day I would just cry tears of thankfulness for His faithfulness!! I don't deserve such LOVE FROM HIM. He is everything to me. absolutely everything.

I realize that I feel like I'm missing out of things sometimes... not being able to eat certain things, run, walk around the mall, go in the pool or the ocean, bike ride, skateboard, push a little girl on the swings at my church, go to bible studies or parties, go to work, call a friend, talk to anyone.. the list goes on and on how how debilitating this pain has been... but God has blessed me so much through His word and let me remember that this is only going to be for a little while. Then in heaven I can have all the sugar I WANT! and I'm going to be doing things that are way more enjoyable than all of the things here on earth that this world says make life awesome! and that's just the thing.. the world is the one who says that doing all of those things are what make life enjoyable and fun! But let me tell you something I have learned: JESUS IS ENOUGH.

He has let my heart be completely satisfied in Him, because of the cross, because of His love. When I was in pain for hours and hours all those mornings, I just kept thinking about how Jesus has been through way worse.. and that made me cry more than the pain. Because, Jesus is awesome... I have SEEN His love through the scripture and through this life and I have fallen in love with Him! The thought of someone WHO HAS LOVED YOU, BEFORE YOU KNEW THEM, WHEN YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT, going through more pain than you can even imagine,(although I got a glimpse) should break and CHANGE your heart. and thank God that it has completely changed mine. Thank you, God. thank You, Jesus. If this pain is what I have to go through to SEE that and to help OTHERS SEE THAT, then bring it on. bring. it. on! hahaha

I have no reason to complain. ever. no matter what. HE IS ENOUGH. He is lalalalovee!!!!

God's love is truly amazing. and I am thankful. I'm thankful that He is dragging my faith through fire so that it will be strong in Him. and so that I will see His love for me, and be able to love Him more, and SHARE that love with others. I love you guys!! and I hope you know how much of a loser I am!! hahaha Jesus is ANYTHING and EVERYTHING good in me that might encourage you at all! I just love Him so much!! Through my inadequacy!! hahaha!

It's not about being strong through trials!!! hahaha ahh!! its about falling apart in them, and seeing that you can't do it, and letting God take control of your life and make it into something BEAUTIFUL. Its about looking to the cross through them and finding that Jesus has conquered ALL. He brings THE HOPE OF GLORY in every situation... thank You , God!! I am so lameeee!!! hahahaha I need You!!! and YOUR awesomeness!!! <3

I have no idea how long this pain will last, how bad it will be every day when I wake up, or how many more things here on earth I will "miss out on". but one thing I DO know is that because God has chosen to LOVE me and Jesus has taken my place on the cross, HE is my hope of gory, and because of that my home is in heaven... and this life is only temporary, and THIS PAIN, is only temporary, and God is going to USE IT to bring me, and others, to Him. Hallelujah!!

Wait on Him. Even if you aren't out of the fire yet(like me), just wait on Him and rest in His love and He will be ENOUGH. <3333

1 Timothy 1:14

"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."

THIS STILL STANDS. even through the pain. God YOUR LOVE is amazing. <33 thank You thank You thank You.

Jessica McLean's music page!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jessica-McLean/327126627317946?sk=wall&filter=2

Jessica McLean has a music page now. Super stoked! Please show her some support and like her page! God has used her music to get me through SO MANY hard times in my life. She is so encouraging and I just want to pray right now that, God, would you please bless her abundantly in whatever You have next for her. In Jesus name amen. <3

With EVERYTHING.

So lately, my pain has been more relentless than ever. Usually in the past it would calm down enough for me to have energy sometimes. I would still be in killer pain but I could laugh and dance and talk and smile and sing and stand up and eat without feeling like I was going to just die. but now... my pain is at a point where I'm not able to so easily do all of those things. and when I try to I end up being very discouraged because it is so difficult for me. and then something in my heart breaks... because I wish that I could just live normally. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME RIGHT NOW. and I need to be ok with that.

It has been such a fight! a fight for my life!
I really didn't come here to complain though. I just want whoever reads this to know my heart.

The other day I couldn't listen to worship music because it increased my pain too much. so I just read the lyrics. and was encouraged.
GOD IS GOOD.

The other day I couldn't sing at all (the day before i was supposed to lead worship for my church)because it increased my pain too much. Then Sunday came and I was able to sing. I couldn't even get through ONE SONG without breaking into tears at the fact that I was able to SING to my SAVIOR without throwing up or fainting.
GOD IS GOOD.

The other day I had to get a sub for all my dance classes because going would increase my pain too much (and I have certainly learned my lesson n this one because I tried to go anyways not once, but TWICE, and both times I ended up in the hospital. haha) Then I was thinking about how I might have to quit my job...my DREAM job. Im not sure if this is what God has for me right now. but I will keep trying as long as He is giving me the strength. God HAVE YOUR WAY. I will follow You. I trust You. I know You will provide.
GOD IS GOOD.

The other day I started waking up earlier than normal, with a few other girls who love Jesus, so that we could spend more time with Him. I did it for one day and was ENCOURAGED BEYOND BELIEF by that extra time with Him. then I went to the doctor and He didn't know what to do for my head pain or my ear pain. he was stumped. so he decided to put me on sedatives at night so that I would be put out and able to sleep and see if that helps.. which means I wont be waking up early... This heart ache felt like a drop on a roller coaster. my heart was in my stomach. and I cried.
but GOD IS STILL GOOD.

It is so difficult to be content in these things. and these are just a very small FEW of what goes on in my every day life. As of right now I am dreading washing my hair because of how much it is going to hurt... BUT GOD HAS ME. He knows what He is doing and I WILL STILL LOVE HIM. My friend showed me this song by hillsong called "with everything" and I wanted to cry so hard because I was thinking "I cant even sing! I cant dance for Him! I am too weak to even be able to listen to it!" and this isn't the first time I couldn't bear listening to worship because it killed my heard, or sit through church because it killed my head. THIS IS THE AREA WHERE IT IS THE HARDEST. because I feel like it is what I need the most. I always just think "trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding." and "do not look and what you can see but instead look at what you CAN'T SEE." anyways though, then I realized that, in the song, it says "with everything" with everything that He has given me. and right now He isn't giving me the ability to praise Him and serve Him in the ways I think I need to.. but He is faithful. and He is teaching me how to praise Him and serve Him in different ways. and you know what? that is enough for me. because I know that ONE DAY I WILL BE ABLE TO GIVE HIM MORE PRAISE THAN I CAN IMAGINE!!!!!!!! when I am healed I will NEVER HOLD BACK!!!! Every ounce of my being I will use to worship Him!!!! I want so badly to push through this pain and just sing at the top of my lungs and go hang out with people who are hurting and in need! but right now it will be enough just to IMAGINE heaven. and thank God with ALL OF MY HEART SOUL MIND AND STRENGTH that He has had MERCY on me!! hallelujah!!

Guys, I really want to encourage you to give God praise with everything. If you can sing and dance to a worship song, then do it. If you have 20 minutes of free time, instead of going on the computer or T.V., please go serve and love on someone.

WITH EVERYTHING, guys. with everything. <3 this post is all over the place but I just needed to get this all out.

I LOVE JESUS!!! He answers prayers and He is beautiful and good and perfect in all His ways and He is with us and He will never leave and my OWN understanding is so LAME but He knows everything and He is GLORIOUS!

- 1 Peter 4:8

"And above all things, have a fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins."

Weakness For Strength

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