God is so awesome.

This week I stared college.

I have definitely been putting it off because of my head pain. I mean, sometimes I can't even eat or walk or breathe... and now I am going to school... trusting God every second of the way!! haha I find myself praying SO MUCH, about everything. The teacher will tell us something that we need to do and I fear that I won't be able to do it because of my pain... and so I pray, and God brings such a PEACE to my heart!!!

I can not do this without Him. I can not do ANYTHING without Him.

I pray before school too, that God would use me as a light there and that this pain would not distract me from loving others! I pray that God would open my eyes to ways I can serve Him and He DOES! It is so amazing to me!!! hahaha First day of class one of the students didn't have anywhere to sit.. and I felt it on my heart to give her my seat,(even though it would mean I would be sitting on the floor for three hours and that would probably make my head worse.)I knew that GOD was putting that thought into my heart and I knew that if my head got worse, He would still be enough for me.. and so I jumped out in faith and offered her my chair... I wish you could have seen her face. hahaha she was so shocked that she didn't even know what to say to me. Then she kinda gave me a look that said "no, that is not something people ask/you must be new here." and I smiled and turned away, and really, it hurts my heart that kindness gets that reaction. Like it is so abnormal! This poor world is so lost... So I prayed more.. and more.. and more.. please God open their eyes.

Also on the first day we got paired up and had to get to know each other. I had the opportunity to share about my nerve damage so I took it! and I told the boy who was my partner that I loved Jesus! hahaha and he laughed and smiled and wanted to know more. I was so thankful! I was preparing to stand up for what I believe and instead he was interested, and stoked for me that that was my reason for still being so happy. I could have, and should have, been completely and totally shot down because of that but God is just being so good to me and so gracious!!!!

Second day of class I got paired up with a woman and we were just helping each other with finger spelling(I'm taking sign language)and after class we were both in line to talk to the teacher. She was right before me and she asked the teacher "what is the sign for 'sparkle'??" and the teacher said "well that depends, what is sparkling?" and the woman turned around and pointed at me and, in front of half the class who was left in the classroom, she said "I have never seen anyone shine so bright!". I turned bright red and covered my face and I heard people laughing and saying "seriously." and "shes the sweetest!"

people wanted to know my name.. and have my phone number.. even though I had made it clear that I love Jesus.

THANK YOU, GOD. this makes me cry tears of humility. this is not me, God, this is You.

I seriously am so blown away by this. and by these answers to prayers. That I might shine for Him, that I might get through class without having to leave cause of head pain, that I might see who needs love. thank You, God. Such love!! such loveee!!!! This is NOT ME. this is all Him... I feel so unworthy to be used by Him. I am broken! haha my head doesn't work and my ears don't work and I am a filthy sinner... and yet He is using me to bring Him glory.. and its not just through random things either.. its through my brokenness. WOW. He loves me anyway. because of Jesus! its all because of His grace! What a savior!!! what a lovely, BEAUTIFUL, Good, God.

I am overwhelmingly blessed by seeing His glory this week through going to school!!! I have NO IDEA what the rest of the year holds but I am stoked to find out. and I am stoked to keep praying.

This is all about You, God! please make it all about You. please be my everything! I just want Your name lifted high. <333