I've had enough...

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Amen! This is totally my life line right now. Don't follow worldly things, but let God transform you!! These past couple of weeks, I haven't been in the word that much, and when I did read, I didn't really let it sink into my heart and mind, and I didn't memorize anything. My days seemed dark, like as if something weird had happen, or something was wrong. I kept thinking that it was my strange dreams from the night before tripping me up throughout the day, making me want to stop doing everything and not do anything at all. I would just sit around and think of different things and pray for different people, and think about how much I loved my sisters and friends. This went on for about 6 days straight before it hit me...

I had no devotion whatsoever to my LORD and savior! Yeah I would read my bible and pray, but there was no roots!! I had totally let go of Him, my thinking was as messed up as ever! I knew it was because I wasn't in the word. I would choose to do other things with my time, like read or play an instrument or even journal or call a friend, but I could FEEL that there was something so wrong! My eyes were so blinded by this world! God had to take away my desire to do all of those things before I realized that my time should be spent in getting to know HIM!

I mean.. I think about how much I love my sisters and how I know everything about them and still love them so much! Yesterday I was thinking about it in the car, and I just started tearing up and praying that God would keep them safe and not take them away from me! The feeling of being scared that God would take their life made me feel SO empty, and it was that moment that I realized I was putting my hope in this world to make me happy! My sinful flesh had thought my hope was in God because I was diligent in prayer and devotion, but I was really just looking at things with my heart, and my heart is sick! "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

You hear that?? DECEITFUL. Don't listen to it. This world is NOT permanent. This is just our temporary home. All of our time should really be spent in getting to know God more through His word until every moment our mind is filled up with thoughts of Him or about Him, and even our dreams are full of praise! I want so much for my life to be more about Him. I want thoughts of Him to pour like honey into my head and heart! Thick and sweet and there forever! I desperately need Him to change the way I think, and I need the spirit to help me memorize the commands which He has given me!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."-Philippians 4:8
These are the things which should be on our minds, helping us to make decisions and go through our days with TRUST in the Lord!

I thank God that He has so much mercy and grace on me!! When we mess up and totally neglect Him, He still shows us the right way to go and He never ever leaves us! It was actually really hard for me to pray to God once I realized this, I can't even explain the smallness I felt in the moment, and the thoughts of how I have been SO awful. But God forgives when we ask Him to!!!! When we pour out our ugly hearts to Him, He sees us as BEAUTIFUL. How can He see me as so beautiful when I am the worst daughter, friend, sister, and servant to Him??? Because Of Jesus. Because of HIS blood I am washed white as snow and everything that went on yesterday stays in yesterday. The old has washed away and the NEW has come! Hallelujah!!! SO amazing!!! What a WONDERFUL God!

I am so thankful for everything that He is! He were created to worship God! Now that I see how much I was down the wrong road in my thoughts, I can get back on track because of His love and mercy and I am now ready to try and use my days to get to know Him better! Ive had enough of living life for only me. It totally drains me and makes me so scared! haha I feel like throwing all the secular things and anything that is taking control of the time in my life, out the window! Ohhhhh there is so much more I could say right now! So much on my mind! haha I will for sure be writing again soon. thanks for reading! I pray that you have already seen this and been transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you are able to live for God and give Him all the glory!! I also pray that you and I would continue to see it every day!

God bless
Val