I'm falling apart.. I'm not alright! chaos has taken me over.. this pain is too much.. its just too much..
I tilt back my head to the sky.. and close my eyes.. 1...2..3..4..5. and everything fades out.. all I can feel is my heart beat.. making my body sway..
its this beat that brings me pain.. and before a second it starts over again..6..7.. I breathe in.. and let it all out.. I shake..
"do not cry.. do not start crying.." is all I can think to tell myself..8..9.. I want to scream.. but I don't make a sound.. I lift up my hands..
because its all I can do.. its all I can give.. I know its all I need.. 10..11..12..
I know I'm not going to gather strength from anywhere else.. this is enough..
I start to calm down.. a chill runs through my being.. 13..14.. a tear escapes.. but only one.. because He tells me to be strong.. I wipe it away..
I am now overwhelmed by the love that I feel.. and the assurance that everything is going to be okay.. 15..16..17.. I can make it through this.. because He has a purpose.. He never wastes a heart ache..
I smile.. let out a quiet laugh.. I feel insane because this peace doesn't make sense..18..19.. its because of His goodness that I am living through this pain.. I lower my head and hands.. then open my eyes.. I will be alright..
..20.. .. .... because of His love.. I will be alright.
okay this just kinda came out.. I cant believe I actually posted it.. haha I experienced 20 seconds that happen exactly like this.. and I decided to write it down..
ReplyDeleteIt's gonna be already.. thank you for this. I needed this just today... I stayed up until almost 1 last night... trying not to let my fear take over.... praying... reading my Bible.... reading some books... but it's hard! You are a blessing and a way He has shown His Hands and Feet in my life!
ReplyDeletegonna be alright* Haha - I can't type :)
ReplyDeleteAmen, Valerie. His love is amazing. Stay strong in the Christ of that love, girl! He'll carry you through!
ReplyDeleteLove you so much. Thanks for sharing.