God is awesome. SO good. all the time. all. the. time.

I have no idea what this post is going to be about. Just kinda like an update on me I guess! haha what I really want to say to all of you right now is... read your bible.
I have learned this week that when you don't do it and you put it off and it doesn't come first, then you will start to, more and more, lose your desire to read at all.

My desire for God has been there in my heart and in my life.. but I haven't been acting on that desire.. I would feel like I need to read my bible or pray and I just wouldn't. Confessing this now I am so fired up!!! I can see how satan has been getting to me and it makes me want to FIGHT so much harder.

I have been having this sick feeling in my stomach all the time.. like nerves.. and I would pray "Lord, I know You are with me. Please show me why I feel this way, show me what I need to give to you to make this stop." and I felt such a pull to read my bible. I was so hungry to just read! but I DIDN'T! I know right?? I'm so lame!!! well i read a little but my heart was not in it. just like "oh let me read this today...cause i need to. I think." so lame.

So this is when God showed me how His plan was to draw me closer to Him. (that is pretty much always His plan... but this is just when i see it in this story. hahaha)
I was talking to one of my friends about stuff going on in my life and i didn't like her reaction to what i was saying because she was correcting me. so I started to throw myself a pity party about how much i just fail and fail and mess things up and she did NOT put up with it. she told me i need to get over it. haha I LOVE THIS GIRL. she is AMAZING. I didn't even realize that my eyes were SO MUCH on myself, and they need to be on Jesus. she helped me direct my focus back to Him, and we started talking about How God always has a plan to pull us through anything and everything.. and He works in mysterious ways. It is always going to work out. even when we have no idea what is going on. I was crying all over the place. haha

then the next day I READ MY BIBLE. I read for hours. everything I could think of that I thought would give me a desire for God and reading His word. Psalm 119 was awesome. I would stop every verse pretty much and just pray that God would do a work in my heart. I want to love Him.

so that same night I went to a bible study. I had that sick feeling again. so the whole way there I poured out my heart to the Lord. told Him EVERYTHING i could think of. I told Him I can't do it alone. I need Him so much. and I prayed for a desire for Him. and IMMEDIATELY He changed my heart to JOY. just joy in Him. and thankfulness. The bible study was amazing and the Lord spoke directly to me. It was about How we need to place everything in Gods hands and let Him do the work because we can not do it alone. EXACTLY what I was praying about. so crazy. what breath of fresh air the Lord is. He is just beautiful, amazing, all around me, running through me, WONDERFULNESS.

I love my life so much. I a so blessed to be a dance teacher and a surf instructor and a daughter and a sister and a friend and a SMILE.

Lord, break me of everything that is not of YOU, and rebuild me in Your LOVE. please God. this is my prayer. THANK YOU for everything You are. and How you are working in my heart. I am so amazed. You are everything.