Faithful.

I am so thankful that God is faithful even when I am not. I have been reading in Matthew and the verses just HIT me every day! I am amazed to tears at the awesomeness and compassion of Jesus. He is so wonderful! I am SO UNWORTHY and yet He still has saved me. He has SET ME FREE.
I am beyond thankful.

I want His life to shine through mine. I want people to see the hope I have in my savior... sometimes it feels so hopeless.. I can't even think, I just sit there...existing. I want to cry all day and to give up. and if it weren't for Jesus saving me, I totally would. I am SO DEAD without Him. I need Him so much. In Him I have hope... because He didn't have to save me, but He did. and He did it for a reason, for His glory to SHINE. I hope and pray to just CHANGE the way I am living and live for Him with EVERYTHING I am.

I really do love Jesus, but no where near enough. I want to love Him more! He is so worthy to be loved. I long to have compassion towards what He has done for me to the point of CHANGE in my life, for Him, every day! It's all His grace that I am even writing in this blog about Him. I'm so thankful. writing that just now my heart dropped because I just don't even want to imagine what I would be writing about without knowing Him. This world is so full of NOTHING. I don't like it here.. I want to go home.

I have really been pondering His faithfulness lately. totally wonder struck about it. yesterday I learned the true meaning of "scarred for life" haha.. I saw something I wish I never saw. Just out to lunch with my cousin, enjoying life, and then all the sudden we see the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. just YUCK. this world is so ddsjhalsuihljksd... goodness.. I got a glimpse of just a small something I have been saved from. and I know that without Jesus in me I would be doing the same thing, or maybe even worse. right then and there I broke down into tears. thank You God. I NEED YOU SO MUCH. those poor people.. this poor world... so lost.
I couldn't even sleep last night because I was so disturbed. I felt so sick and I was crying and praying.. and I decided to read my bible till I fell asleep.. and I came across Psalm 71. amazing amazing amazing..

" 1I have taken refuge in you, O Lord.
Never let me be put to shame.
2Rescue me and free me because of your righteousness.
Turn your ear toward me, and save me.
3Be a rock on which I may live,
a place where I may always go.
You gave the order to save me!
Indeed, you are my rock and my fortress.
---
19Your righteousness reaches to the heavens, O God.
You have done great things.
O God, who is like you?
20You have made me endure many terrible troubles.
You restore me to life again.
You bring me back from the depths of the earth.
21You comfort me and make me greater than ever.

22Because of your faithfulness, O my God,
even I will give thanks to you."

God is enough. He is so faithful. My God restores me to life again... this brought me so much comfort last night. and right now too... God is so good. I am free. I am saved. I am SAFE.

thank You, God. <333